I think it’s safe to say we’ve all
heard that cheesy saying, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize the
prisoner was you.” The first time this little meme popped up on my timeline I
didn’t think too much of it. But the more I thought about it, the more I
realized how true it is. When you aren’t forgiving, you’re grudging (Yes I just
made that word up). Which is not a healthy thing to do. If anyone can hold a
grudge, it’s this girl. However, something I’ve learned in the past few years
is that sometimes you have to just let it go.
I know, you’re probably thinking,
“This chick’s crazy. I can’t let that go. They hurt me.” Well, you don’t have
to take my advice, but it’s dang good advice. (I can’t take all the credit;
most of it came from general conference talks) So, here’s my advice: learn to
accept an apology you may never get, and when someone does apologize, accept it,
and mean it.
One of the worst things in the
whole entire world is when someone tells you that you’re forgiven, and they
don’t mean it! You think everything is fine and dandy, then BOOM, you hear
they’re still talking about how mad it made them. If you’re going to give
someone forgiveness, truly give it to them. You need to forgive them with your
whole heart, not just half of it.
Think about it like this, what if
our Savior, who paid the price for our sins so that we could be forgiven,
didn’t forgive us? What if he gossiped about it, and held onto it until he
thought we’d suffered a sufficient amount before finally forgiving us? That
would be terrible, absolutely and undeniably terrible. That’s not how it works.
Forgiveness is a process, it’s more than
uttering the words, “I’m sorry.” It takes effort. When you want someone to forgive
you, you need to show that person how truly sorry you are. You need to prove that
you can change, and try your best not to hurt them like you did before. When
they are able to see that you are truly repentant, it will be much easier for
them to forgive you.
Now, there is always that rare case
where you’ve offended someone who is so immature and unable to look past it
that they are angry forever. In that case, tell them they suck and move on with
your life. Just kidding. In this case, as hard as it may be, you need to love
them, and keep showing them you are sorry. If they still don’t forgive you,
that’s their own problem, and you really will just have to move on with your
life. It happens.
Here’s another thing to remember:
most of the time people hurt us on accident. They didn’t do it on purpose; they
didn’t do it because they’re evil. Honestly, 8/10 times, they did it because
they love us. Sometimes when the people who love us try to help us, they end up
hurting us. That’s a very important thing to remember when you are angry with someone.
Try putting yourself in their situation. Try imagining what they were thinking
and feeling and why they did what they did. I guarantee that you will be a lot
more forgiving when you do that.
Plus, let’s remember, you’re not so
innocent yourself. How many times have you hurt someone’s feelings? Everybody
does it. We’re all just a bunch of imperfect humans running around trying our
best not to screw everything up. Which is humorous because usually by doing
that we screw things up. But hey, that’s the beauty of earth life. We break
things and then get the chance to fix them again.
Sometimes, in the most unfortunate
of cases, we are hurt so deeply we might think we’ll never be whole again. We
curse the person who hurt us, and swear to everything that we will never
forgive them because gosh dang it, what they did was despicable and they don’t
deserve to be forgiven. Well, newsflash, that’s wrong. Trust me, I know what
it’s like to feel that way. There are some messed up people in this world, and
they do some pretty terrible things. They leave scars that may take years to
heal. It’s not your place to punish them. We don’t have that right. Jesus
Christ forgives everyone, and He loves everyone. There isn’t one soul that has
ever lived that he doesn’t love. Remember all of the stories and parables in
the Bible? When have you ever heard of Christ not forgiving someone?
We need to find it in us to forgive
and forget every terrible thing that someone has done to us. You’ll be happier,
they’ll be happier, and your Savior will be so proud of you for taking one more
step in the direction of becoming more like Him. That’s why we’re here, we came
to this earth with the goal of returning back to our Father in Heaven and
becoming as Christlike as possible while we’re on earth. We didn’t come to do
anything else. That is the big picture. If you focus on that, you’ll find it
easier each day to love, and serve, and find peace in doing those things.
Nothing will bring you greater happiness and fulfillment than knowing you gave
someone peace of mind. So please, take my advice and forgive people. It’s the
least you could do. Don’t let yourself
be a prisoner in your own life.
Much love,
Katie
Check out this fabulous talk by President Uchtdorf:
